Fatigue

*WARNING*::  This post is very raw.  It's me in my most honest state.  You have been warned...


Fatigue (also called exhaustion, lethargy, languidness, languor, lassitude, and listlessness) is a state of awareness describing a range of afflictions, usually associated with physical and/or mental weakness...


That's from wikipedia.  I hear people say they're 'fatigued' all the time but I never really understood what it meant.  I always thought it just meant you're tired.  'So go take a nap!', I would think.  But it's more than that.  It's can be a combination of both mental and physical weakness.  It's a lack of energy and motivation.   


Lately I've been fatigued.


It's a combination of things, I think.  One, I've been busy.  Any way you cut it, my life is busy.  I'm sure if I compared myself to others, there will be plenty that have 'busier' lives than me.  Hannah and Noah are still pretty young.  I know it's just going to get worse.  Secondly, I've been so frustrated with my body.  Bleh.  Who wants to talk about their body?  Not this girl!  But I'm doing it anyway...


Joel and I went through a rough patch a while back.  Without airing all our dirty laundry, the root of our problem was me.  I'm not trying to be a martyr about it; it's just the truth.  I have the self-esteem of an ant.  When I was young, someone who I looked up to tried to bribe me to lose weight.  I was always a chunky gal.  Part of the problem was that I was head and shoulders taller than anyone else in my class, boys or girls!  So I ate...a lot.  Not healthy things like fruits and vegetables.  Nope, it was cereal, bread, cheese...anything that tasted good.  So I gained weight.  


Through the years, I've yo-yo'd.  I've been happy with my weight, then mad.  I've been overweight, underweight, then right where I needed to be, only to jump up on the scale again after having babies.  So I felt like crap.  That spilled over into my personal life.  I didn't feel pretty.  I wanted to hide in the closet and never come out.  Who wants to look through their closet full of clothes and not find a single thing that fits right or looks nice?  It wore me out.  Joel could sense there was a problem but I was too ashamed and embarrassed to say anything.  Eventually he gave up trying.  Looking back, I really can't blame him.  He was married to a sloth.  I was a sloth.  


Joel and I had a 'come to Jesus' talk one night.  We were at the end of our ropes.  Something had to change or it was over.  Neither of us would accept that.  


Through the course of the next few months, we figured out the root of the problem.  We've already established it was me.  Yep, me. So I started working out, I watched what I ate, I tried to be happier about everything.  And guess what?  My self-esteem went...nowhere.  All I was doing was looking for acceptance in other's opinion of myself.  How was that healthy!?  So I plateaued.  I had been doing so great then BAM.  Nothing.  That leads us to the present.  


I am still a sloth.


The past few weeks I haven't worked out at all, haven't cared what I ate.  I could give every excuse in the book.  I injured my knee (doing what, I have no clue!), I'm busy, Noah suddenly HATES going to the Y child care so he kicks and screams whenever I mention it.  Makes working out pretty hard when you're worried about your son.  If I wait until the kids to bed before doing a video, it's late and I'm tired.  And getting up early in the morning?  R.i.g.h.t.  That would take discipline.  


You know how everyone who has someone in their past who has doubted them will always say "oh, I'm going to show them!"  I would love to be that person.  I would love to look that person in the eye.  The person who told me I'd never be pretty because I was too fat.  The person who told me I'd never get married because no one wants a fat girl.  The one who told me they'd give me $500 just to lose weight.  The one who told me I was going to be a diabetic if I wasn't careful.  I'd love to tell that person that I'm better than that.  I can do it for me.  Not for them.  Not for Joel.  Not even for my kids.  I can do it for ME.  


I'm tired of being fatigued.  This sloth is ready for some action.  

The Gallery Wall...

First of all, blogger has changed their look.  You may not be able to see the change since it seems like it's all 'behind the scenes'.  Let me just say it's annoying.  Ok, that's all.

So I recently discovered Pinterest.  I act like it's such a new thing but in reality, I think it's been around for a while.  I kept hearing people talk about it and it sounded like such a dumb idea.  You 'pin' stuff?  What the heck is that?  If I wanted to have a huge pinboard, I'd make it myself!  I totally didn't get it.  Then one of my co-workers 'invited' me to join Pinterest.  For a long time I kept that invitation in my e-mail inbox and just stared at it.  It was like a giant booger hanging from your nose in public.  You know it's there but you just can't don't know what to do about it.

So I finally decided to check it out one day.  I seriously thought I'd try it once and hate it.  Uh, I loved it.  It took me a little time to figure out how to really use it for my benefit but once I did, it was a.d.d.i.c.t.i.v.e!  So one day I was wasting time searching for a new living room layout and came across a gallery wall.  What's this?  A large amount of pictures put in somewhat matching frames and arranged in an aesthetically pleasing way?  I loved it!  Click here  and here to see my faves.

So then the fun began.  I had to break the news to Joel that I was going to be majorly slightly redecorating the living room.  He was annoyed thrilled!  I showed him the pics from Pinterest and he just grimaced.  I will admit that it did seem like a lot of work.  Still, I wanted to try it.

Because of the remainder of our living room style, I knew I wanted all black frames.  I read a LOT of blogs about how to start your gallery wall, how to design it, how to choose frames.  There's a lot of information out there but the basics are the same.  First get your frames.  After a trip to Ikea, I realized that this was going to be a pricier endeavor than I wanted.  So then I had a brilliant idea.  Goodwill!  I raided Goodwill and Salvation Army for crappy ugly nasty used frames.  I didn't matter the color or design.  There's a magical item called spray paint that can cover even the worst of frame sins.  And there were a lot of them!  Seriously, some of these frames could have been found in my grandmother's house back in the 1950's.  There were a lot of wedding frames too.  Didn't matter.  As long as they were the size I wanted and still in decent shape (meaning the glass was intact and there weren't huge gouaches out of the frame) I could paint over anything.  It took a few weeks of raiding Goodwill and Salvation Army but I finally got what I wanted.  I also shopped the clearance shelves at Target and Walmart.  There were a few really nice frames in the ugliest of colors but a quick coat of paint and voila, all is forgiven.  There were a few frames that didn't have hanging hooks on the back.  For that we used Command strips specifically for hanging pictures.  There's velcro on them to you can take off the frame without ripping half the wall off.

I had to order some prints in 5x7 to fit some of the frames but I made sure to get frames that were both 4x6 and 5x7 to mix it up a bit.  It seemed like all the gallery walls I had researched also had some sort of words or letters mixed in.  So to Etsy I went.  I found some awesome stuff!  Click here and here to see what I got.  Amazing deals and the sellers were great to work with!  Apparently when this is your own business, you're nicer to your buyers.

So then it was time to begin.  Another hint just about everyone gave was to cut out paper matching the size of the frame so you can figure out how you want the frames arranged.  (also you can draw where the nail is going to go...a HUGE time saver!).  Here's how it looked...

Joel aligning everything.

The finished rough draft.  

After a few hours of pounding nails, leveling and re-leveling, this is how it turned out...

I love this!

Another view

And yet another view

So that's our living room redo.  Next up is Hannah's room.  She wants a 'butterfly room'.  I found some amazing ideas on Pinterest.  I'm getting in touch with my creative side.  :)

Before and After...

We just redecorated Noah's room.  It was bittersweet.  He's 3 now so it was time to move him up to a big boy bed.  Plus, the room was a weird shade of green.  Why was it green?  Well, because it had been the nursery for both kids.  Even though we knew Hannah was going to be a girl, we wanted to make the nursery neutral so any future child could use the room.  Hence the green walls.  Instead of being a nice green, it was a shocking mint color.  Seriously turned me off of mint chocolate chip ice cream for years.  I'm still traumatized.

See the ugliness?  I'm sure my kids will be seeking therapy for  spending the first few years of their lives in this room.

So began the transformation.  I had picked out bedding for Noah a few years ago while at a huge consignment sale.  It's a Pottery Barn "Transportaion" themed room.  To make the room a little less weird and more boy-ish, we picked a light blue color.  Pretty.  That's all I can say about it.  P-R-E-T-T-Y.  No trauma here!

So much better!

My sexy husband's head.  

We already had the bed frame.  Funny story...my dad and uncle had matching bed frames growing up.  They ended up being my and my sister's bed frames as we were growing up and now they've been passed on to my kids.  Seriously, things aren't made like that anymore.  I'm hoping they last for my kids' kids.

Ok, so we already had the bed frame, bedding, dresser...what were we missing?  Uh...a BED??!!  I happened to mention to my co-worker that I was going to be buying a new twin box spring and mattress.  What did she happen to have in her storage room collecting dust?  An almost brand new twin-sized box spring and mattress.  And we could have them for FREE.  Amazing.

I searched random places for decorations.  I found a cheap coat rack on a facebook swapping page, gave it a coat of white paint and voila!  It matched the rest of his room.  I called upon my best friend (and amazing artist), Laura to make a few wall hangings to match his bedding.  She also made the step stool you can see in the above picture.  She free-handed them.  I'm still in awe of how great they look.  After a trip to Ikea for a bookcase, and a few stickers on the wall, we were DONE.  Noah is thrilled with his new room.  I'm just thrilled to have the green gone.  Next up is a gallery wall for the living room...

I love this bedding.  

I can not even tell you how cute those wall hangings are!  Laura is an awesome artist.  

Why yes, that is a little purse hanging from the rack.  Hannah thought Noah needed it.  

Hannah helped put the stickers on the wall.  They're a little heavy on the right.  Whatever.  :)   

Noah turns 3

I can not believe that Noah is 3!  I know every mother says how she can't believe how quickly the times goes by...blah, blah, blah.  But it's true!  I think back over the past 3 years and it seriously has flown by.  Would I do it over again?  Heck no!  The first few months suck.  There's just no way to word that any better.  You're so sleep deprived, it's a wonder anyone gets fed or bathed.  And I'm sure there were days I didn't brush my hair.  But we all survived.  And now that little man is 3.  

So what'd we do for his big day?  At first we weren't going to do anything.  Great parents, I know.  Then we decided we should do something, just the 4 of us.  Then we decided to invite my parents.  And then it turned out that Salli and her kids were coming down.  So our small little family dinner turned into a small party.  We went to Incredible Pizza to celebrate.  It's this really cool place with a pizza buffet and lots of games for the kids to play and ride.  

The kids had a great time riding the go-karts, bowling, and playing mini-golf.  Then it was time for cupcakes.  Being the cool mom that I am, I made gluten-free cupcakes from home then slapped a 'Happy Birthday' on them.  Noah didn't care as long as they were chocolate.  

So what new and exciting things is this 3-year-old doing?  hmmm...

• potty-trained!!!
• sleeps in big boy bed 
• newly decorated 'transportation' themed room
• dresses himself (although sometimes the underwear is backwards...hilarious)
• thinks that honey can go on everything