So here's what happened::
Years ago Joel and I upgraded from our tiny full-sized bed to a king. Mini-rant: who decided that taking a twin-sized bed and adding exactly 6 inches would somehow fit 2 adults? I mean, an adult and a shitzhu...maybe. 2 adults: Heck no! Mini-rant over.
So we enjoyed our spacious king bed for a few years then when I screwed up my back (at work! Get your mind out of the gutter!) we needed a new mattress. A friend of ours mentioned the sleep number bed so we decided to get one. We loved it. Joel likes to sleep on a
Until...
Valentine's weekend. Now, mind you Joel and I have been married for almost 13 years. The most mind-boggling action that bed gets is when our kids come and jump on it. Why is Valentine's weekend important? Two reasons. It all happened on a weekend, and that Monday was President's Day. (Rememeber this because it's going to be important later)
So we finally decided to get a new frame. The box that was holding up a corner of Joel's side had died a sad death and now that corner was lower than the rest of the bed. Now since this didn't affect me I was happy to just let it go, but Joel kept having to scoot closer to me at night, lest he fall completely off the bed. This simply will not do. So our Valentine's plans? Buy a bed frame. How romantic.
To swap out the frames we had to deflate the sleep-number mattress. If you don't know much about sleep-number beds, basically it's a really expensive blow up mattress. So we deflated it, tore apart the old frame, cleaned under the bed (found Noah's pacifier from 3 years ago! And about 14 socks, none of which matched), and put together the new frame. Now came the re-inflating. Except the pump didn't work. What now? The bed won't re-inflate? Nope. The mattress looked like two saggy pieces of fabric laying on top of the box springs. Kinda like old floppy boobs.
Joel got online and tried to find a solution. He ended up calling the company and asking what to do. They're solution? Replace the pump. Ok, great. Since the bed was still under warranty (gotta love those 20 year warranties), they would send us a new pump. Only caveat? This was on a Sunday. Remember how I said to keep in mind this was a weekend with a holiday on Monday? Nothing gets shipped on a Sunday and Monday was a federal holiday. Which means our brand-new-life-inflating-pump would not even leave the warehouse in Salt Lake City, Utah until Tuesday. Even with 2-day shipping, that means THURSDAY before we get it. That's 4 days away! What are we going to do?
Luckily we have a spare bedroom...in the basement...with our old full-size bed.
Seriously? Crappity crap crap.
We crawled in bed and immediately fell back out. How in the world did we used to sleep in this thing? I felt like I was squished in a clown car. He pulled the covers, I pulled back. Do we sleep face to face breathing in each other's carbon dioxide? Or butt-to-butt so every movement makes me giggle like a 6-year-old? We finally settled on butt-to-butt, but that meant there was no space between. Tinka tried to breach that wall but gave up and settled on the floor. Poor dog. Joel told me the next morning that he woke up at one point on his stomach with Tinka on his back. That dog won't give up!
Over the next 3 nights we had a constant war of blankets and space. It was an epic battle of wills. I WILL have more than a corner of this blanket or I WILL shoot you. Because when it's 3am and you're still wide awake, violence is the only option.
Finally Thursday came around and we received our new pump. We made those saggly old boobs look like they got some implants.
And we slept happily ever after.
The End.
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