My dog is a lesbian...and other short stories

We have a dog named Bella.  She's a mutt.  She's a rescue dog who had been a stray so no one really knows her background at all.  However, after spending some time with her at the dog park today, I'm convinced she's battling with her sexual orientation. 
Bella is a girl.  As far as we know, she's never had puppies.  But again, she was a stray for a time.  That must be why she continues to run away whenever she can.  She has no idea her boundaries.  But I digress...
We've gone to the Ankeny dog park many times with Bella.  She loves to run around and play with other dogs.  It's a good way to wear her out.  Tonight however, she decided to assert herself onto other dogs.  Yep, she was humping away.  The first time I just stared at her.  The second time I yelled at her to stop it.  Eventually I had to actually physically remove her from the back of a dog.  What in the world?!  My dog is a lesbian. 

A few months ago, Hannah asked where babies come from.  The conversation went something like this:
Hannah:  Mommy, how does a baby get inside the mommy?
Me:  Huhwhathowwhen?  (At this point, Joel was trying really hard not to laugh)
Joel:  Yes Sara, how DO babies get in there?  (Have I mentioned how much I LOVE my husband?)
Me:  Well, uh...Hannah, when a man and women love each other, sometimes that love spills over and makes a baby (Yep, I totally stole that line from a cheesy Lifetime movie).
Joel:  Are you kidding me?
Hannah: OOHHHH...ok.
Conversation over.  I rock at parenting.

So then last week we were at Panera having dinner as a family.  Out of the blue, Hannah looks at me.  Here's how it went:
Hannah:  Mommy, how do babies get out of mommy's tummies?
Me:  What now?  (Again, Joel is almost wetting himself trying not to laugh)
Me:  Well honey, when it's time for the baby to come out, the mommy knows.  She pushes and pushes really hard and the baby comes out...of...her...bottom.  (By now the little girl at the next table was listening in and I really didn't want to say the "V" word)
Hannah:  Out of the pee hole or poop hole?
Me: (are you freaking kidding me!) Uh...well...(Joel is now turning all shades of purple and red from not laughing)
Me: Honey, mommies are made with a special...hole...for the baby to come out.
Hannah: But I only have 2 holes?  When do I get the special hole?
Me: (CRAP!) Uh...you actually already have the special hole.  You just don't know it's there because you don't need it yet.
Hannah:  Is it on my front bottom or back bottom?
Me: (glaring at Joel as he is hiding behind a napkin) It's in the middle.
Hannah:  HUH?
Me: (totally ready for this conversation to be done, especially since the next table over is completely eavesdropping) Hannah, it's called a vagina.  Girls have 3 holes.  The pee hole, the poop hole, and the vagina.  The vagina is in the middle of the pee hole and poop hole.  You don't need to worry about your vagina for a VERY long time.  Trust me, it's there.
Hannah:  Oh, ok.
End of conversation.  Man, I'm the best parent in the world.