The Slide of Death

So a few years ago I posted about the kiddie slide at the local pool and the horrible, tragic events that happened.  If you haven't read that yet or just want to refresh your memory, click here to be reminded of my disaster.

OK, now that you've had a good laugh at my expense, here's an update:

The kiddie slide has it in for me.  Truly.

Ankeny has 2 water parks.  The original disaster happened at that 'old' water park.  Now there's a new fancy water park closer to our house that has more wonderful, fantastic slides and a lazy river for those of us who'd rather just sit on a giant donut and float like a ball of lard.

And it also has a kiddie slide EXACTLY like the one from the other water park.

Duh, duh, duuuhhhh.  (that was supposed to be creepy, foreshadowing music)

This year we bought a pool pass since the kids are old enough to actually enjoy swimming and not drown.  Plus, it's that why there's lifeguards?  So one evening Joel and I packed up the kids and went to the new pool.  Up until this point I'd avoided that kiddie slide like the plague.  This night I was not so fortunate.

The kids begged me to go with them.  I tried so say no, I really did.  I tried to get them to go down with daddy and not me.  Daddy wasn't good enough.  Didn't I see all the other parents going down with their kids, laughing and smiling at the fun that was had?  Didn't I want to do that too?  Nope.  I'm a fun hater.

But alas, I gave in to peer pressure.  The slide was a duplicate to the one where I'd almost accidentally killed someone.  But I was determined to show that slide who's boss.

So up we went.

I made sure the girls were tucked in tight.  I tried to sit in the middle where the most water was running.  All seemed well.  We go down and BAM.  Something happened.  Something bad happened.  It was like a hot poker had been shoved directly in my rear end.  WHAT JUST HAPPENED???!!  I just sat there and stared for a moment.  By now the lifeguard is eyeballing me like I'm insane. Joel is giving me a strange look, and the kids are yelling "again, mommy!  Again!"

I rolled on to my knees and crawled over to Joel.  He's still giving me a weird look.  I'm fine, I tell him.  I landed funny and must have bruised something.  But hey, the girls stayed in place!  I'm fine.

I wasn't fine.  What happened?  I broke my coccyx, the tailbone.  In other words, I broke my ass on the kiddie slide.

And that kids, is why mommy doesn't ride the death slide anymore.